Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Michael and Stefan's Thesis Draft
THESIS: Despite there being other contributors to the desegregation of baseball, Branch Rickey was the greatest influence on the desegregation of baseball due to his signing of Jackie Robinson, his avid support for equal rights for African-Americans not just in baseball, and his neutral mentality in the face of opposition.
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If you exclude the second "desegregation of baseball," it would flow better. It's arguable and connects to the theme.
ReplyDeleteIts clear what the project is going to be about, it needs research to prove your stance, and its arguable.
ReplyDeleteClear and debatable thesis. It connects well to the theme. Try wording it differently so it can flow better
ReplyDeleteThe argument is clear and so is what the project will be about, but the last part of the thesis should flow with the rest of the thesis. I can't really tell if there is only one main idea.
ReplyDeleteThis thesis is concise and arguable. The last part of your sentence does not flow well in terms of grammatical
ReplyDeletestructure, but the information is a great addition to your thesis. Great job.
This thesis is very arguable and shows a clear focus.
ReplyDelete